TTC and Weight

Taken on our wedding day. About 12 pounds lighter than I am now.

The day I got married was the happiest day of my life not only because I was marrying my best friend but because I was the happiest I had ever been with myself. I worked hard to get where I was at.  Do you know how many pieces of cake I had to pass up to get there?  Don’t worry because I made up for it during my last IVF cycle!  I maintained this weight for a few months after our wedding but as soon as we started trying to conceive and I began tracking my cycles I realized I had a short luteal phase.  After reading up on it I found it can often be caused by working out too much and low body fat.  I unhappily gained my first 5 lbs but knew if it meant we were closer to baby then I could do it.

Months passed by and still no baby.   We soon found out we were suffering from Male Factor infertility (MFI) and our only option was IVF.  In our first IVF consult my Dr. told me I had to gain another 5 lbs.  I put this on easily during all the hormones and stress of our first IVF cycle.  As soon as I heard the IVF failed I decided to start working out again to lose some of the weight I had gained and muscle I had lost.  I felt all flubbery and unhappy with myself.  Not only was I not pregnant but now I was not pregnant plus had an extra 10lbs I was carrying.  I felt uncomfortable and was so afraid someone would mistake the weight gain for pregnancy.  I wore sweatshirts and baggy shirts to work.  I lost about half of what was gained during IVF #1.  My dream for baby was so strong that I was ready to try again a month after.  We had three frozen embryos and decided to do a frozen embryo transfer (FET).  FET was by far the hardest on me.  I was on high doses of estrogen and I got the “hungry horrors” from hell.  I ate so many sweets it makes me sick to think about.  I put on 8lbs during that cycle.  So here I am today…..up 12 lbs from my wedding weight and no baby to show.  I know it will be all worth it but the journey to get there has to be the hardest thing I have ever been through.  My next goal is to just become healthy again.  I started eating better, going to yoga classes, exercising and doing things for me.  I have long term struggled with depression and I am determined to do my best to keep balanced and happy during the next IVF.

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