As the weekend winds down my stress levels are on the rise. My anxiety is only increasing as we get closer to the OTD. The Beta Test is on Friday and I took a half day. I figure if it is good news we will celebrate and if it is bad news I do not want the water works at the office. I will go in for blood work in the morning and will get the call some time after noon.
My transfer was on Tuesday and I spent Tuesday and Wednesday on my butt. This was my view for about 2 days straight.
Thursday we spent Thanksgiving with my family up North. It was good to get my mind off of things and I was antsy after two days of being a “couch potato.” My dad’s girlfriend cooked for us and it was our first Thanksgiving spent with my father in about 6 years. We usually spend it with my mom. Turkey looked perfect….
Friday and Saturday were filled with…..not a whole lot. Which brings me to today….5dp5dt or 10dpo. I did test today and yesterday only to see a BFN. My emotions are all over the place. One minute I am sure that this one worked the next I am almost in tears wondering what our next plan of action will be. I am scared. Not seeing a positive yet is making me more nervous. I know it is early. Too early to be worried. But I am still feeling down. My husband banned has made me promise not to test again till Wednesday. At that point I would be 8dp5dt and if it was going to be positive it would most likely show up by then. There are those rare cases where it takes a long time to show up but if I see a negative I will continue to test till Beta Day but I am going to assume this cycle was a bust. As far as symptoms, I have not had many. I was crampy day of transfer but that is because it took the doctor about 15 minutes to get everything situated. We went ahead and transferred two beautiful blasts. He did not give me the grade but here they are before they thawed……the “twins”
I think they did assisted hatching on them like they did last FET. It is kind of protocol for FETs at the clinic if they are not hatching already. Back to the symptoms…..I am bloated/full but that started around Thanksgiving when I started to stress eat. Pretty sure this just has to do with an increase in salt and carbs. I have had some “twinges,” cramps and weird pulsing sensations. I looked at last FET and I had the same cramps and twinges as I do now so that’s not anything promising. The only different feeling was the pulsing/poking on my left side but who knows I may have experienced it before. It happened once or twice yesterday and today a few times and does not last long. Maybe 10 to 15 flutters and then it disappears. I really can’t describe it but it is on left side further in then where my ovary is. Oddly enough I am feeling it right now. The thing is I am super sensitive to everything so any pain, pinch, ache could all be in my head. I have had no spotting, sore boobs, increased smells, etc. I am not sure what to think. I want this to be the cycle. I don’t think I can take another failed one. Now I have 3 sleeps till I get to test again. Hmmm…how will I make it?
I went in this morning for my ultrasound not feeling so confident. I was up most of the night tossing and turning and worrying. I was worried about my lining and worried about the outcome of this FET. I am overly confident that this one will work because it just has to since the other three didn’t. I am scared if it does fail. But…..the good news is my lining was 9.3mm today!!! The clinic should call me this afternoon and let me know the transfer date. Depending when I start PIO transfer will be Sunday or Monday! Less than a week away! Wahoooo!
So far I have had no crazy food attacks on the Estrace. I have had some trouble sleeping, nausea, headaches and minor bloating. I feel like all of this is tolerable as as I don’t start getting really depressed or raiding the vending machine at work. I also have hope. Hope that this will be the one. That all our waiting, tears and pain will be worth it. That this is our turn. We will be transferring two this time. The past three have been single embryo transfers. We just feel we need to be more aggressive. It’s going to work, it’s going to work, it’s going to work. I feel like the little engine that could. Ha Ha! For inspiration, to keep me away from the fridge and just because I would love to be this ripped I keep this picture on my fridge. I am taking learning to take this one day at a time to keep my depression and mind in check. Now since I will be doing pretty much nothing transfer day and day after I need to find some things to keep me occupied. Any suggestions? Good Books? Movies? What do you do after transfer?
Today I am officially PUPO (pregnant until proven otherwise)! I have a great feeling about this one. We got right in and the RE told us we hit the jackpot. The blastocyst that we were transferring was a grade A and 3 blasts also made it to freeze. We chose to do a eSET (elective Single Embryo Transfer) for many reasons. Our risk of twins is very high and standing at only 5’1, twins being a high risk pregnancy and the cost of twins are all reasons we have chose to do one embryo for all three transfers. IF this one does not work we will move onto two embryos. But this one will work right??!? The RE also gave us a 70% chance this time!!!!! Here is a pic of our soon to be baby.
Tomorrow is the big day we have been waiting for!!! It is transfer day! We are scheduled to be there at 9am with a full bladder and transfer will be at 9:15. I will tell you what not to do. DO NOT drink as much as possible thinking a full bladder means an about to explode bladder. During the Frozen Embryo Transfer, I decided to drink as much as possible and then they were almost an hour late. I was told from the ultrasound tech that I won the prize for fullest bladder of the day! Ha Ha!
Doug sent me a link saying we have luck on our side and that this Friday is a blue moon! So this one has to work right?!? I hope so! Things just feel right. I feel like I am mentally in a better state then the last transfer. I have been working out again and eating better and just feel like this could actually work!