She’s here! Well she will be 4 weeks tomorrow so this post is a little late but she has been keeping us busy. Alana arrived at 1:34pm on December 10th and was just a tad bigger than her brother at 7lb 9oz and 19.5 inches. She is absolutely perfect and looks so much like Coen as a newborn.
I did hope to have a VBAC but things did not go my way. This pregnancy was a lot longer than Coen’s and at 41 weeks and 1 day it was decided that a C section would be my best option. Although I was devastated with the news, things were different with this section. I knew what to expect and it wasn’t at nearly midnight when I was completely exhausted. I was the first one to hold her and she was placed on my chest as soon as she was pulled out and she remained there while I was “put” back together. That experience made it feel less like an operation and more like a childbirth. The other unique thing was Coen was born 8 days early on 10/12 and Alana was 8 days late born on 12/10 so it just feels like it was meant to be.
I plan on posting her monthly updates as well as my postpartum ones just like I did for Coen.
I’ve had a bunch of posts that I have started and just not had the time to finish. It seems I will start one and then I get caught up in feedings, diaper changes, baby cuddles, etc. Coen has had quite a fussy day so with the advice of my husband I have locked myself away for a little down time which means I can actually finish one of my half written posts!
Although I was just “released” to exercise last Wednesday, I started going to the gym 4 weeks postpartum. Yeah, it was probably stupid but I listened to my body and was very, very cautious. A C-section is not something you want to mess with but yet I can’t sit still and getting to the gym was probably the only time I could force myself away from the baby. It’s funny because those first few days\weeks after baby you think you look great. You are so used to this huge old belly that your now shrunken belly makes you think you look so small…..then a few weeks pass by and that soft post baby belly does not look so good to you anymore.
Working out while pregnant made me feel so strong and confident. At the gym, people were just amazed that the 38 week pregnant lady was doing barbell step ups and bicep curls! Now I am just back to the old Kim with only the remnants of the pregnancy left. The first day back at the gym I felt ok. I was just happy to be back at the gym and then I started getting self conscious. I started to struggle to find something to wear to the gym and started talking myself out of even going. I was discouraged that I couldn’t do much there and worried about what people thought of me. I wanted to write “Just had a baby 6 weeks ago” across my forehead so people would know why I was so weak and looked the way I did. I have always been someone to know my way around the gym and have always been confident in what I was doing there. I started second guessing my form, worried about how my squishy belly stuck out so much when I would bend over and just became overly self conscious. I knew I would not be one of these women that was back to pre-pregnancy size right away because I have ALWAYS had to work hard to get in shape.
In my head, I still feel like the old me…..the pre-IVF me….the one in this picture….but when I look in the mirror it is much different.
2011 – Pre-TTC
I am using the picture above and a few others as my motivation to get back to where I was before all the IVFs and pre-TTC.
Now these feelings and insecurities have not completely gone away over the past 3 weeks but they are slowly diminishing. Between everything my body has been through, the hormones that are still surging through it and the lack of sleep no wonder I am not feeling 100%. I mean really…… in the grand scheme of things I should be proud I am even back to the gym this early and to be honest I am proud of myself for that. Most of all I am proud of the journey it took to even get here….to become a mom. Getting back into shape is just another hurdle or challenge that I have to go through which keeps things interesting…..
38 weeks Pregnant vs 5 weeks Postpartum
I just logged in and realized it has been over 6 months since my last post and so much has happened. Between the pregnancy, traveling, moving, living with the in-laws, finding a new home, moving again, work and a million other things, I lost track of time and stopped posting. I really wish I kept it up so I would have a log of my pregnancy. But….no time for regrets. On October 12th (8 days early), we welcomed the most precious gift into the world. Our son was born via C-Section (more to come on this) weighing 7lbs 7oz and 19 inches long. He didn’t arrive the way we expected but he is perfect. My feelings towards him are indescribable. I never realized I could have so much love for someone I had never met. All the struggles, tears, pain and frustration were all worth it beyond a doubt. I feel like a different person……like I have changed….for the better. He is my life and my everything. He’s our little miracle.
I really hope to start blogging again. I would love to post on my pregnancy, my postpartum body and mind and life with a newborn. And if we happen to try for #2 in a year then I am sure I will need a place to get out all my feelings!