Back at the Gym ~ Insecurities Post Baby ~ 7 weeks postpartum

I’ve had a bunch of posts that I have started and just not had the time to finish.  It seems I will start one and then I get caught up in feedings, diaper changes, baby cuddles, etc.  Coen has had quite a fussy day so with the advice of my husband I have locked myself away for a little down time which means I can actually finish one of my half written posts!

Although I was just “released” to exercise last Wednesday, I started going to the gym 4 weeks postpartum.  Yeah, it was probably stupid but I listened to my body and was very, very cautious.  A C-section is not something you want to mess with but yet I can’t sit still and getting to the gym was probably the only time I could force myself away from the baby.  It’s funny because those first few days\weeks after baby you think you look great.  You are so used to this huge old belly that your now shrunken belly makes you think you look so small…..then a few weeks pass by and that soft post baby belly does not look so good to you anymore.

Working out while pregnant made me feel so strong and confident.  At the gym, people were just amazed that the 38 week pregnant lady was doing barbell step ups and bicep curls!  Now I am just back to the old Kim with only the remnants of the pregnancy left.  The first day back at the gym I felt ok.  I was just happy to be back at the gym and then I started getting self conscious.  I started to struggle to find something to wear to the gym and started talking myself out of even going.  I was discouraged that I couldn’t do much there and worried about what people thought of me.  I wanted to write “Just had a baby 6 weeks ago” across my forehead so people would know why I was so weak and looked the way I did.  I have always been someone to know my way around the gym and have always been confident in what I was doing there.  I started second guessing my form, worried about how my squishy belly stuck out so much when I would bend over and just became overly self conscious.  I knew I would not be one of these women that was back to pre-pregnancy size right away because I have ALWAYS had to work hard to get in shape.

In my head, I still feel like the old me…..the pre-IVF me….the one in this picture….but when I look in the mirror it is much different.

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2011 – Pre-TTC

I am using the picture above and a few others as my motivation to get back to where I was before all the IVFs and pre-TTC.

Now these feelings and insecurities have not completely gone away over the past 3 weeks but they are slowly diminishing.  Between everything my body has been through, the hormones that are still surging through it and the lack of sleep no wonder I am not feeling 100%.  I mean really…… in the grand scheme of things I should be proud I am even back to the gym this early and to be honest I am proud of myself for that.  Most of all I am proud of the journey it took to even get here….to become a mom.  Getting back into shape is just another hurdle or challenge that I have to go through which keeps things interesting…..

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38 weeks Pregnant vs 5 weeks Postpartum

Post Baby Mind & Body Update: Month 1

I have been busy with the little guy so this post is a little late but the pictures and stats are from one month postpartum!

Mind:

After dealing with infertility, going through IVF treatments and having a history of depression, my counselor wanted me to be aware that I have a good chance of getting PPD.  I am definitely not out of the water as it has been only a month but I feel really good.  PPD can show up anytime within the first year after baby from what I am told.  I didn’t get the baby blues and have yet to have a breakdown and even cry since Coen has arrived.  Like I said this has YET to happen! This first month I have been in a euphoria.  I just look at our little miracle and can’t help but smile.  Of course it is not all easy and I have good days and bad days.  The days I get less sleep I do feel a little down and off but that’s how it has always been for me.  There are a few things that I have learned in the past that really keep me balanced…sleep, eating well and working out.  When I am doing enough of all three of these I have a sense of contentment.  Well since I hadn’t been able to work out because of the C-section and sleeping isn’t always a given I have at least been eating healthy.  I really think this has helped a lot.  I am still eating clean (most of the time) every 2-3 hours for about 5-6 meals a day.  Since I am breastfeeding I find myself eating a ton.  I think I am eating more now then when I was pregnant.

Body:

I had a very active pregnancy which I will post about later.  I took the first trimester off from anything other than walking.  I gained very quickly in the beginning but it seemed to slow down at about 6 months.  Before that every calculator I used and every time I would look online at other woman’s weight gain I had gained too much.  It was discouraging but I knew that my body was doing what it needed.  I would recommend staying away from the scale, calculators and just listen to your body.  Pregnancy changed my view on my body image.  I realized how hard I had been on myself and how truly amazing the body is!  I ended up gaining a total of 26lbs which is right at the low end of normal weight gain..  But don’t forget I was up about 7-10 lbs from all the IVF meds and stress when I got pregnant.

The day my water broke:

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One Month after Baby…..some very less than flattering  pictures but they will help with accountability and motivation!

Blog 1 month front

Blog 1 month

At one month postpartum I have lost all but 7lbs to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight and I probably have another 7 to get to my pre-IVF weight.  Although, the number on the scale is really not as important as how I feel and how my clothes fit!  I can button my pre-pregnancy jeans but I am just about busting out of them.  I wear yoga pants everyday because of the C-section incision and I don’t want to buy new jeans for just a few months!  My game plan to get into shape?  Not really quite sure yet.  I need to find something that works for me.  It will most likely include some cardio and mostly lifting at home and at the gym.  It will be all about how to squeeze in a workout while the baby sleeps.

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