4dp5dt ~ Deja Vu

FET #1 for Baby #2

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Transfer went so smoothly on Monday.  We transferred one Grade A blast.  In the past with my retroverted cervix it has been painful and the Dr always struggles with getting the placement right.  The only time that it went this smoothly was when it actually worked…….but think pregnancy just changed things a bit and made it a little easier.  I am not stupid.  I have been in this position too many times.  I can’t compare this time to any other one.  I have cycles I was positive I was pregnant that I wasn’t and the one that worked that felt like other failed cycles.  I took the day of transfer off but decided to go back to work the day after.  I kind of wish I didn’t because that day ended up to be quite stressful.  My boss gave her notice which leaves me with one new guy that has been there a month and one other that was leaving two days after my boss and one person who hasn’t started yet.  The good thing is it will be an opportunity for me to grow before they decide what to do with the position.  I also have not been following orders as far as not lifting heavy items…Coen is almost 30lbs so there really is nothing I can do!

As far as symptoms, I have felt the normal progesterone ones…..on and off cramps, backache and random twinge or pulling feeling, sore boobs etc.  I have had these for negative cycles so I try not to obsess about them.  (haha! That’s a joke)  I did have a sharp pain or two in my uterus one night that woke me but that could have been anything.  The past day or two I haven’t felt much.  So now the question is when to test.  Tomorrow at 5dp5dt is when I got a positive with Coen and it is also our 4 year anniversary.  I don’t know if I should skip or test and know it is still early.  When you are a POAS addict it is really hard to wait…..

Lining Check and Transfer on Monday

FET #1 for Baby #2

I had my first lining check last Wednesday but it was a no go.  My lining was only 6.3mm and at best it needs to be at least 8 before they schedule the transfer.  I was bumped up from 2mg Estrace twice a day to 2mg three times a day.  I had a second lining check on Monday and my lining was 8.6 but due to scheduling they had me come in one more time this past Wednesday.  My lining at that point was 8.8mm.  We started PIO shots Wednesday night and we have transfer this Monday at 10:30am!  I am excited/nervous for the transfer.  It has been over two years since our last transfer for Coen.  I don’t want to feel the heartache of a failed cycle but I also know that it took a lot last time.  I am not expecting it to work the first time or the second.  I am going into it with the knowledge that it worked once before and there is no reason it could not happen again.  We are also only transferring one blast which might decrease our chances a bit.

1 Step forward 2 steps back

FET #4 Update

Life has been busy and a lot has happened in regards to starting our journey for #2.  In January, I finally got my period after 30 days of estrace and 10 days of provera.  It was just a reminder how much I dislike being on hormones but as always it’s just another thing you just have to deal with.  Over a week ago I got my meds and the FET was approved.  All I had to do is stop the BCPs and wait for AF to start the Estrace but now we (I) have another barrier……. Since I had Coen I have been dealing with some stomach issues.  I have always had digestive problems all my life but this was different.  I thought it was my gallbladder and had an ultrasound a few months ago to find out I just had some “sludge” or debri in my gall bladder.  It could be causing my problems but I figured I would deal with it as it was not necessary to have my gall bladder removed.  After a few weeks of more stomach issues, sleepless nights in pain and beginning to fear food I finally saw the Dr.   Long story short I also have elevated liver enzymes and have tested positive to having some autoimmune antibodies (Antinuclear Antibodies) in blood.  The two may or not be related but I have to go for a liver biopsy Thursday.

The FET is postponed until after the biopsy.  It wasn’t until I started typing this post a few days ago that I started to put two and two together.  I googled ANA positive and failed IVFs and found a ton of info.  This made me nauseous.  I am starting to wonder if this was my problem all along and the reason for failed implantation?  Oddly enough the time that actually took I did take Claritin and Benadryl which I had seen was an autoimmune protocol that some other women had done.  I figured it was worth a try.  I am not sure if this helped or it was just a coincidence.  All I know is I have one beautiful little miracle.   The problem is my heart selfishly aches for another and I am not so sure it is in the cards for us now depending on my diagnosis.  Even if things look good I wonder if I will continue to have failed cycles.  I am not ready to give up yet and until we figure out what is wrong I am trying to have faith.  We are already so blessed with one perfect little man.

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No Period and More Pills

FET #4

Ever have one of those days you just feel like no matter what you do things just go wrong?  Today is one of those days.  I didn’t sleep well and came into work having to deal with chaos.  I  just got off the phone with the clinic and I am starting to feel like we may never start FET #4.  My body is not cooperating and I am beginning to be come frustrated.  So far 7 days of Provera and nothing and  then 10 days of Estrace plus 5 days of Provera with only spotting.  Now I have to go on 30 fregin days of Estrace with the dose doubled and 10 days on Provera all just to get a period so I can do the basic testing.  The worst part is the nurse saying she wasn’t sure why they even had me do only ten days of Estrace because that never works.  Argh. It was just more time wasted. I never thought it would be this difficult or that my body wouldn’t get back to normal on it’s own.  Why did I even stop breastfeeding at a year?  Part of me just wants to quit before we even start BUT if I quit when it got hard I wouldn’t be seeing that cute little face every morning.  So back on the fat pills starting tomorrow.  Unless I change my mind……

Enough of my rant and the poor me because there are so many out there without even one child.  I just need to learn to enjoy this journey as much as I can.  We had a few pics taken last week for our Christmas cards this year…..here are a few that we have on it!

 

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Hurry up and wait…..

FET #4 Update

There must be something with infertility that always has us waiting.  I have weaned Coen well over a month ago now and still no period.  I have taken a week of Provera and waited two weeks after….nothing.  Now I am on Estrace for 10 days and then Provera and will wait some more.  Once it starts I can get all the tests done so we can submit to insurance and then start a FET cycle.   I forgot how much I hate waiting.  Luckily, I have a great little distraction that keeps me going every day.

I have been quite frustrated the way the scale has been going up since weaning.  My body is doing what it wants despite me watching what I eat, exercising and taking into account that I don’t need the extra calories.  Now to add in the hormones I am bloated, uncomfortable, pants are getting tighter and I am starting to not sleep well.  Oh the joys of estrogen…..

On a positive note, I did find a picture of one year ago after having Coen and compared it to a picture from this weekend.  I have made a lot of progress over the year.  I also have started to realize that despite weaning my body is not mine again.  It will all be worth it though.

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Life Lately

Life is busy as expected with a 13 month old.  Some things have gotten easier and some have gotten more difficult.  I think the biggest improvement is his bedtime routine has gotten better and he is sleeping all the way through the night.  We give a sippy cup of milk and a little snack at 7 pm, read at 7:20 and he goes down without a peep.  There are also no 5 am wake ups every morning.  He sleeps most days until 6:30am.  Pretty sure he was playing me and if I just did a little sleep training I could have gotten this months ago.

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The little guy has been sick the past few weeks with a cold and fever.  I took off last Monday when he was feeling the worst and his fever was 101.  Luckily I think he is finally getting better but he just has that lingering cough.  Poor guy.  He got sick last year but it was nothing like this.  There was nothing I could do to help and all he wanted was to cry and give hugs.

I am looking forward to a 5 day weekend and some yummy food for Thanksgiving!  We will be hosting Thanksgiving but it will be small.  Just the hubby, Coen, my sister, father and me which means lots of turkey leftovers!  We are doing family pictures on Friday and I am excited to see how they come out.  If they are good we will be using one of them for Christmas Cards.  We already got pics with Santa this weekend.  They didn’t come out so great because Coen was just about to break out crying.  I think the stranger fear is in full effect.

Happy Thanksgiving!

 

FET #4 for Baby #2

FET # 4 and TTC #2 Update

Happy First week of October!  I can’t believe in less than 2 weeks my baby boy will be 1!  Picture is from one of our many outtakes of Coen for his birthday invites! 

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It has been awhile since I have given any update besides Coen’s monthly ones but……a few weeks ago we had our first appointment for trying for baby #2! We have 3 frozen embryos so it makes sense to go that we use those first.  The RE said we have two day 5 and one day 6 embryos waiting for us.  I think it would be crazy to think of Coen having a brother or sister from the same IVF cycle.  I am excited and scared.  What if it doesn’t work a second time?  Are we ready?  How many tries do I try this before giving up? I still have not gotten my period so I think it may not show until I have completely weaned.  Our next steps….wean Coen….period shows, blood work and ultrasound and then once we are cleared we will start FET #4.  She mentioned we could start as early as January!  It was a January cycle that I got Coen but I am not expecting this to work the first time after what we went through.  We also have made the decision to only transfer one at a time.  In the past, we have done both one and two.  We just don’t want to risk twins but also know it could take that much longer.

Weaning

I have a hefty stash of frozen milk so I decided to start weaning Coen at 11 months.  I am not sure how far it will get us but it will definitely bring us until after his first birthday.  Weaning is bittersweet and I never thought I would be this emotional about it. To be honest, I never thought I would make it this far or that it would be this hard hard to stop.  I sometimes wonder if I would be weaning if we weren’t planning on trying for another one.  I am ready to have my body completely back to me but I am going to miss it.  I hope he still wants to cuddle or still needs me as much as he does now.  I am sure our last time will bring tears and I am not sure I am quite ready for that yet.  Coen is down to 4 feedings a day.  Two bottles at daycare and I nurse him in the morning and at bedtime. Over the past few weeks I have dropped the daytime feedings.  I was pumping 5 times a day while I was away.  Last Friday I pumped for the last time at work.  I will not miss it at all.  I am holding strong at just nursing in the morning and at night.  I am not sure I am ready to drop these yet.  Weaning is far more emotional than I ever thought it would be but I also have this longing to give Coen a little brother or sister.  Again, this is all just a reminder of how we don’t have the luxury to just blink our eyes and be pregnant.  But it is what it is and I am willing to go through it all again because it was so worth it.

A Year to remember…..2013

A sad end to last year brings a happy end to this year.  Few words can describe what a great year this was……..

FET #3 (IVF #5) = First Positive

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Healthy heartbeat and baby….

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4 Weeks pregnant

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35 Weeks….

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Last week of pregnancy (38 weeks)…….

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Our boy arrives….

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Love at first sight….

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First Pics…..

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One Month Old…

DSC_0059Two Months Old…

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Christmas Card Cameo….

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Coen’s First Christmas…..

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Hoping 2014 brings just as much joy to us and to all.  Happy New Year!!!