Insurance is still pending to start the FET cycle. Hurry up already. Sigh. Good news is I did get a call from the Dr yesterday with the results from the hysteroscopy. She says I tested positive for Chronic Endometritis and this could be “part of the answer.” It is basically inflammation and infection of the endometrium (uterine lining). It is not the same as endometriosis. This can cause a hostile environment for a little embie to implant. They put me and the hubby on Z-paks which we started yesterday. I am excited that this could be the reason for the past 4 failed cycles but I am also being cautious that there is something else that could be the problem.
Not much else going on here. Back in school and still working my butt off trying to lose that extra holiday poundage. Here is another 30 minute interval incline walking treadmill workout I did yesterday after weights. I have been trying to stick to all the walking ones because with IVF I feel like running is “off limits.” I do miss it though. I got this workout off Pinterest which I am still obsessed with! I love how I can put all the recipes I want to try in one place. So cool. Happy Wednesday!
Well, I made it through the hysteroscopy. Just feeling really tired today but I think that is partly because I couldn’t sleep last night and from the anesthesia. I have definitely been more anxious this past month and I am not sure if it is because of the holidays or because I am nervous for the next FET. Maybe a combination of both? Either way it is causing a disruption in sleep. No Cool. My Dr did come over to me while I was half out of it to let me know what she did. Of course I was out of it and all I remember was asking if what she “fixed” could be why we have not gotten pregnant yet. I asked the hubby what she said to him and she smoothed out my uterus or something like that and most likely it would not have caused all the failed cycles. I will get more info during the post-op appointment in a few weeks. The good news is while we were in the waiting room she had us sign all our FET paperwork which she will be submitting today. So once that goes through then I will stop the birth control pills, wait for my friend to arrive, go in for baseline u/s and blood work then start the Estrace. Things are going to start moving along. I am guesstimating that transfer will be at the end of January or beginning of February. Not too shabby. Just a month away.
I took yesterday off from working out obviously but Wednesday I did a new 45 minute Treadmill workout. I have been on pinterest like crazy trying to find some good workouts. Here is the one I did on Wednesday:
I added an extra ten minute walk on the end. It was a good workout for getting back into it after the holidays. I ended up burning about 400ish calories so that’s always a good thing. I have been lifting A LOT and cut down on cardio the past few months. I am going to switch it up and increase cardio and decrease lifting to help lose some of this holiday weight.
Hopefully everyone had a good holiday and spent some time relaxing. We had a nice and relaxing Christmas and I got lots of great stuff including a food processor. I have been cooking a lot lately and it is going to save me a ton of time. I think I spent hours making salsa this summer with all the chopping I did. I am back to work today, out tomorrow for the hysteroscopy and then working Friday. So it is a nice and short week for me. Next week I am out Monday but working a few hours from home on New Years day so I can’t imagine it is going to be that crazy of a New Years. I am excited for the new year and our next cycle. I hope soon after the surgery they will be submitting our paperwork to insurance so I can come off the horrible birth control pills and start our FET cycle.
Since the holidays are over for the most part and I fell hard of the eating clean wagon I am going to do everything I can to get back on it so I can be nice and healthy for this next cycle. This E-card made me chuckle.
I really think it makes a big difference. This last FET I was eating really good and felt amazing during the cycle even without being able to workout after transfer. I also didn’t gain any extra weight. The past FETs and IVFs I let myself indulge during the cycle and really felt gross. I am vowing to eat clean here so maybe I will feel some accountability. I have no problems with working out. I workout 5-6 days a week and love it. It is food that is my weakness! I don’t expect to be perfect. I just want to be good 90% of the time. I started the morning with a nice protein shake. I have been making one that tastes like a frosty. It is so good. I usually eat oatmeal for breakfast but I was still feeling full from yesterdays festivities. I make sure I ALWAYS eat something for breakfast. It is extremely important to eat within the first hour of waking to get your metabolism moving or it could lead to face stuffing later on. Trust me I know!
Chocolate Protein Shake
1 scoop of Chocolate Protein Powder
1 package of stevia
1 tsp of cocoa
1/2 c milk (lactose free)
1/2 cup of water
1 tsp-1T of Chocolate sugar free jello powder
pinch of Xanthum gum to thicken (optional)
Lots of Ice
The surgery is not till 1:45pm tomorrow so I need to find something to keep me distracted. They want me there an hour and half early which I think is a bit much. We will need to leave the house around 11. I am thinking maybe some shopping for half price Christmas decor for next year or maybe a little reading tomorrow morning will keep my mind off of not eating or drinking. I just finished Dark Places by Gillian Flynn which was really good. My friend gave me a copy of The Name of the Wind which is already starting to suck me in. It is more on the sci-fi or fantasy side which I usually don’t get into but I think this one will keep my attention. I love finding a good can’t put down book.
First off, I want to say that last post was out of pure frustration. My life is far from horrible and when I say it has been the worst year ever it’s because of the treatments, heartbreak and tears. I don’t want to give the impression that I am a Debbie downer or that this life sucks. I have a very happy relationship with my husband and my family and friends are extremely supportive of me and very loving. I have A LOT. I know this but when you are dealing with infertility you are just focused on one thing. It feels like you have blinders on. I feel like I am running a marathon and I can’t stop until the end. It takes everything just to focus on the end goal and to make it to that last mile. I put most of my energy in just keeping myself together through all the pain. Most of my negative posts are just a way to vent and sometimes I feel guilty after posting them. A very positive thing happening is that I have decided to take another class next semester. It gives me something else to focus on and since I took this semester off I find myself bored and feeling without a purpose. I have also been back at the gym busting my butt, eating clean most of the time and continuing to cook a lot of healthy meals and snacks. I have been obsessed with this beanless sweet and smokey chili. Some day I will have to start posting recipes again.
FET #3 Update
Yesterday we had my pre-op appointment with my Dr. It was a short appointment and I got what I wanted out of it. Of course she said she was surprised this cycle did not work and does not know why it failed. She said nature keeps making an ass of her. The hysterscopy is scheduled for the 27th and we discussed the procedure. She will use a camera and will be able to pinpoint and biopsy any area that looks inflamed or abnormal. Fun Fun. She doesn’t believe she will find anything wrong but wants to cross off anything else that could cause the failed cycles. She also mentioned she would like us to cycle soon afterwards as a disruption to the endometrium has been shown to increase pregnancy rates. Of course we were all for it. I would start another cycle today if I could. I also made it clear that I really can’t keep doing this and there will be a time fairly soon that we will have to move on with our lives. We have decided to try another frozen embryo cycle as we have 5 embryos left. If this one fails we also discussed doing a fresh IVF with PGD. This would be our last resort as it will cost us 3-5K out of pocket. She said with PGD if all embryos were abnormal then we would know what our problem was. If it still failed with normal embryos then who knows what the problem is. We also brought up donor eggs and she said that I have great quality eggs and she would not even consider it at this time. I have faith that this next one will work. Our first three transfers were all only one embryo transfers and this last one was two so we have really only gone through 5 embryos. I feel that because I saw a BFP last time, even though it was short lived, there is a chance I could see another one and it would lead to our take home baby. I am not giving up that easily yet.
I appreciate all the kind words. It really means a lot. I do believe I experienced a chemical which makes me believe I can get pregnant again…hopefully next time. Below is my very, very faint BFP that I got to see for one day. It’s one that you have to squint, angle your screen and stand upside down on one foot to see. But it was there.
As expected we got bad news today. Early this morning I went in for blood work. I usually chat with the nurse and after going in so many times they know me by name. On my way out she asked if I would be coming back for an ultrasound. My heart dropped. She probably assumed I was pregnant. I told her I wasn’t sure our next steps, got into my car and bawled my eyes out. There is always so much anticipation leading up to the “call.” Knowing it is negative I usually grieve days before and when I get the call I almost feel a weight lifted. Not that I am happy that it is negative but torture of not knowing is now over. I can grieve, move on and prepare for the next set of events. I never would have thought that I would have to go through so many IVF cycles. I have come to find taking it one day at a time is far easier than thinking we may have to go through one, two, three or who knows how many more. The Dr called to give me the news. She wants me to go in for an operational hysteroscopy. I will be going in the Thursday after Christmas. She also mentioned the possibility of PGD. She repeated that we make great embryos and she truly believes it WILL happen. She is not one to sugar coat things. Up next will either be FET #3 or IVF #3. Third times the charm right? Wait haven’t I said that before?
I planned to go to the gym today but my heart was just not in it. Since I have taken a few weeks off because of the FET, I am feeling lazy. Not very excited to get back to the gym. Hell, I am not excited about anything right now. But I know time will heal and we will try again. I am not giving up. My goal is to have some wine tonight, relax, maybe eat some junk food and hit the gym early tomorrow morning and and try getting back to my old self.
This morning I went in for a SHG and an endometrial biopsy. I knew what I was in for since it was my second SHG but did not realize how painful the biopsy was going to be. I consider myself to have a pretty high threshold for pain but this was miserable. She did the SHG first and then it was time for the biopsy. The first one (she ended up taking 3 biopsies) I flinched so bad the Dr asked me what I felt. I said “Ummm pain.” At the end I sat up and then it hit…..that feeling that your going to pass out. I was nauseous, sweating bullets and felt myself drifting away. I told her that I was dizzy and laid back down. The nurse asked if I wanted to take my sweatshirt off and I had it part way off when everything went black. If you have never passed out before you are lucky. It is the worst feeling. After I came through I was clammy as hell and my head felt like I got kicked in the head. To make things better…..I asked about my blood work and come to find out the clinic I went to get my blood work had no information on me. It was as if I never got it done. So now I have to redo my karyotype blood work tomorrow and have to wait another cycle so I can do my CD3 lab work because the old ones expired. So we are now looking at a December FET. On a good note….Doug got his blood work at the clinic so he actually got his results back….Normal! So we are happy with that.
I still feel out of it, anxious and a little down from everything that happened this morning. So I am going to post a pretty pic Doug took the other day to make this post a little more upbeat.