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9dp5dt, Beta tomorrow and……

I did test on our anniversary at 5dp5dpt and much to my surprise and excitement I saw a very faint line!!!  Beta is tomorrow and tests have been getting darker.  I am in shock!  Tests are from Monday and Tuesday.  Eeek

 

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4dp5dt ~ Deja Vu

FET #1 for Baby #2

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Transfer went so smoothly on Monday.  We transferred one Grade A blast.  In the past with my retroverted cervix it has been painful and the Dr always struggles with getting the placement right.  The only time that it went this smoothly was when it actually worked…….but think pregnancy just changed things a bit and made it a little easier.  I am not stupid.  I have been in this position too many times.  I can’t compare this time to any other one.  I have cycles I was positive I was pregnant that I wasn’t and the one that worked that felt like other failed cycles.  I took the day of transfer off but decided to go back to work the day after.  I kind of wish I didn’t because that day ended up to be quite stressful.  My boss gave her notice which leaves me with one new guy that has been there a month and one other that was leaving two days after my boss and one person who hasn’t started yet.  The good thing is it will be an opportunity for me to grow before they decide what to do with the position.  I also have not been following orders as far as not lifting heavy items…Coen is almost 30lbs so there really is nothing I can do!

As far as symptoms, I have felt the normal progesterone ones…..on and off cramps, backache and random twinge or pulling feeling, sore boobs etc.  I have had these for negative cycles so I try not to obsess about them.  (haha! That’s a joke)  I did have a sharp pain or two in my uterus one night that woke me but that could have been anything.  The past day or two I haven’t felt much.  So now the question is when to test.  Tomorrow at 5dp5dt is when I got a positive with Coen and it is also our 4 year anniversary.  I don’t know if I should skip or test and know it is still early.  When you are a POAS addict it is really hard to wait…..

4dp5dt ~ Not feeling it

FET #3 Update

The lack of symptoms has me scared to death.  Last cycle with the chemical I had these twinges and flutters at 4-5dp5dt and I knew I was pregnant but this time feels like all the other failed cycles.  My body just feels quiet.  I really had hope this time with the diagnosis of endometritis and the antibiotic regiment I was put on.  I KNOW it is still early and I have not given up hope entirely but I am just feeling out already.  I have had no symptoms, no cramps, no pokes or twinges.  I only had  a minor backache yesterday but that was just from tweaking it some how and I am no longer feeling that.  I hope I am wrong. I hope I get to be one of these women that said they had no symptoms during the TWW but this feels all to familiar.  I just don’t know how I am going to get through the next week feeling like this.  Now I am second guessing what we will do next.  Should we go straight to adoption and save ourselves some heartache of more failed cycles?  Our next step was to do PGD testing of the embryos but that is still 2 more cycles.  One a fresh IVF with a freeze all after testing and then a FET with the “normal” embryos.  So that FET probably wouldn’t even be till the summer.  I haven’t tested and to be honest I don’t even know if I want to.  Seeing a BFN everyday is extremely painful.  Maybe I should just wait till Friday or Saturday and test right before the beta.  It is just miserable sitting at work trying to not think about that wretched negative HPT that you took earlier that morning. Sigh.

 

Countdown is On….1dp5dt

FET #3 Update

Yesterday was transfer day and it was probably the best transfer I have had yet!   They were late as usual in the clinic and they had us come in and wait in the area where the retrieval patients were.  I heard the nurse talking to the only retrieval patient of the day saying it was a busy day with all the transfers and the women says I hope all those transfers end up with great results to start the week off right.  I thought it was such a selfless comment.  How many woman can just come out of retrieval and be wishing a bunch of other women will get pregnant?

I really was the perfect transfer.  I have a retroverted uterus so they usually have trouble getting the catheter just right.  This time it took one try and the 2 blasts were transferred.   He said we hit the “jackpot” with the two expanding blasts.  But it isn’t the first time he has said this but I don’t care because I have hope that this will be the one.  I have been a couch potato yesterday and today and will try to keep it a low key, easy weekend.  I feel very relaxed this time.  Maybe it is because I have been through this so many times, maybe I know it will work or maybe I just haven’t gotten to my typical breakdown time of 4-5dp5dt.  Only time will tell.  Beta is a week from Saturday and I just hope I get some sign of implantation like the flutters I got last time. I really, really hope this is it!

FET 3 Embryos

Chocolate Protein Shake and Accountability

FET #3 Update

Hopefully everyone had a good holiday and spent some time relaxing.  We had a nice and relaxing Christmas and I got lots of great stuff including a food processor.  I have been cooking a lot lately and it is going to save me a ton of time.   I think I spent hours making salsa this summer with all the chopping I did.   I am back to work today, out tomorrow for the hysteroscopy and then working Friday.  So it is a nice and short week for me.  Next week I am out Monday but working a few hours from home on New Years day so I can’t imagine it is going to be that crazy of a New Years.  I am excited for the new year and our next cycle.  I hope soon after the surgery they will be submitting our paperwork to insurance so I can come off the horrible birth control pills and start our FET cycle.

Since the holidays are over for the most part and I fell hard of the eating clean wagon I am going to do everything I can to get back on it so I can be nice and healthy for this next cycle. This E-card made me chuckle.

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I really think it makes a big difference.  This last FET I was eating really good and felt amazing during the cycle even without being able to workout after transfer.  I also didn’t gain any extra weight.  The past FETs and IVFs I let myself indulge during the cycle and really felt gross.  I am vowing to eat clean here so maybe I will feel some accountability.  I have no problems with working out.  I workout 5-6 days a week and love it.   It is food that is my weakness!  I don’t expect to be perfect.  I just want to be good 90% of the time.  I started the morning with a nice protein shake.  I have been making one that tastes like a frosty.  It is so good.  I usually eat oatmeal for breakfast but I was still feeling full from yesterdays festivities.  I make sure I ALWAYS eat something for breakfast.  It is extremely important to eat within the first hour of waking to get your metabolism moving or it could lead to face stuffing later on.  Trust me I know!

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Chocolate Protein Shake

  • 1 scoop of Chocolate Protein Powder
  • 1 package of stevia
  • 1 tsp of cocoa
  • 1/2 c milk (lactose free)
  • 1/2 cup of water
  • 1 tsp-1T of Chocolate sugar free jello powder
  • pinch of Xanthum gum to thicken (optional)
  • Lots of Ice

The surgery is not till 1:45pm tomorrow so I need to find something to keep me distracted.  They want me there an hour and half early which I think is a bit much.  We will need to leave the house around 11.  I am thinking maybe some shopping for half price Christmas decor for next year or maybe a little reading tomorrow morning will keep my mind off of not eating or drinking.  I just finished Dark Places by Gillian Flynn which was really good.  My friend gave me a copy of The Name of the Wind which is already starting to suck me in.  It is more on the sci-fi or fantasy side which I usually don’t get into but I think this one will keep my attention.  I love finding a good can’t put down book.

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Happy Christmas Eve

It has been awhile since my last post.  Nothing much has happened except maybe an extra 5lbs that I have packed on between the holiday parties, birth control and stress.  I am just ready for this all the be over.  The holidays and all the meds, procedures and lack of control over my own life.  Am I a grinch?  Well probably but really want the holidays to be over so we can be that much closer to baby.  Thursday is the hysteroscopy so no food after midnight Wednesday and surgery is at 1:15pm.  Maybe the no food thing will be good because I am having trouble finding anything that fits.  I wonder if it was the 20 cookies I ate the other day.  I made soft mint chocolate cookies with Andes Creme de Menthe bits.

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They were so good but I probably ate half the batch and I am feeling it today as my pants are extra tight.  I also made a veggie Christmas Tree that I had seen on pinterst.  It came out pretty good and it is always a good idea to bring a healthy dish to any party so you can have something good to snack on.

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I have been working out like crazy but have definitely been eating much more than I am burning.  I will be happy to get back to a schedule again.  I have also come to realize me and breads don’t mix and that sugar is very addictive.  Two things I need to begin to avoid in this next year.  I get too many tummy troubles with bread and once I have a little sugar I can’t stop myself.  I am much better when I just avoid.  Really thinking I should check with the doc about some sort of gluten or wheat intolerance.  We celebrated Christmas with hubby’s fam yesterday and will again with his extended family tonight.  Tomorrow we will have our own little Christmas in the morning and go to my sister’s place for brunch and mimosas with my mom.  We won’t be doing presents with my family till next Saturday.  My brother is a pilot so he rarely has Christmas off. Before we know it 2013 will be here and we will be starting FET #3.  Lucky #3.  Happy Christmas Eve!

5dp5dt ~ Banned from POAS

As the weekend winds down my stress levels are on the rise.  My anxiety is only increasing as we get closer to the OTD.  The Beta Test is on Friday and I took a half day.  I figure if it is good news we will celebrate and if it is bad news I do not want the water works at the office.  I will go in for blood work in the morning and will get the call some time after noon.

My transfer was on Tuesday and I spent Tuesday and Wednesday on my butt.  This was my view for about 2 days straight.

Thursday we spent Thanksgiving with my family up North.  It was good to get my mind off of things and I was antsy after two days of being a “couch potato.”  My dad’s girlfriend cooked for us and it was our first Thanksgiving spent with my father in about 6 years.  We usually spend it with my mom.  Turkey looked perfect….

Friday and Saturday were filled with…..not a whole lot.  Which brings me to today….5dp5dt or 10dpo.  I did test today and yesterday only to see a BFN.  My emotions are all over the place.  One minute I am sure that this one worked the next I am almost in tears wondering what our next plan of action will be.  I am scared.  Not seeing a positive yet is making me more nervous.  I know it is early.  Too early to be worried.  But I am still feeling down.  My husband banned has made me promise not to test again till Wednesday.  At that point I would be 8dp5dt and if it was going to be positive it would most likely show up by then.  There are those rare cases where it takes a long time to show up but if I see a negative I will continue to test till Beta Day but I am going to assume this cycle was a bust.  As far as symptoms, I have not had many.  I was crampy day of transfer but that is because it took the doctor about 15 minutes to get everything situated.  We went ahead and transferred two beautiful blasts.  He did not give me the grade but here they are before they thawed……the “twins”


I think they did assisted hatching on them like they did last FET.  It is kind of protocol for FETs at the clinic if they are not hatching already.  Back to the symptoms…..I am bloated/full but that started around Thanksgiving when I started to stress eat.  Pretty sure this just has to do with an increase in salt and carbs.  I have had some “twinges,” cramps and weird pulsing sensations.  I looked at last FET and I had the same cramps and twinges as I do now so that’s not anything promising.  The only different feeling was the pulsing/poking on my left side but who knows I may have experienced it before.  It happened once or twice yesterday and today a few times and does not last long.  Maybe 10 to 15 flutters and then it disappears.  I really can’t describe it but it is on left side further in then where my ovary is.  Oddly enough I am feeling it right now.  The thing is I am super sensitive to everything so any pain, pinch, ache could all be in my head.   I have had no spotting, sore boobs, increased smells, etc.  I am not sure what to think.  I want this to be the cycle.  I don’t think I can take another failed one.  Now I have 3 sleeps till I get to test again.  Hmmm…how will I make it?