I’ve had a bunch of posts that I have started and just not had the time to finish. It seems I will start one and then I get caught up in feedings, diaper changes, baby cuddles, etc. Coen has had quite a fussy day so with the advice of my husband I have locked myself away for a little down time which means I can actually finish one of my half written posts!
Although I was just “released” to exercise last Wednesday, I started going to the gym 4 weeks postpartum. Yeah, it was probably stupid but I listened to my body and was very, very cautious. A C-section is not something you want to mess with but yet I can’t sit still and getting to the gym was probably the only time I could force myself away from the baby. It’s funny because those first few days\weeks after baby you think you look great. You are so used to this huge old belly that your now shrunken belly makes you think you look so small…..then a few weeks pass by and that soft post baby belly does not look so good to you anymore.
Working out while pregnant made me feel so strong and confident. At the gym, people were just amazed that the 38 week pregnant lady was doing barbell step ups and bicep curls! Now I am just back to the old Kim with only the remnants of the pregnancy left. The first day back at the gym I felt ok. I was just happy to be back at the gym and then I started getting self conscious. I started to struggle to find something to wear to the gym and started talking myself out of even going. I was discouraged that I couldn’t do much there and worried about what people thought of me. I wanted to write “Just had a baby 6 weeks ago” across my forehead so people would know why I was so weak and looked the way I did. I have always been someone to know my way around the gym and have always been confident in what I was doing there. I started second guessing my form, worried about how my squishy belly stuck out so much when I would bend over and just became overly self conscious. I knew I would not be one of these women that was back to pre-pregnancy size right away because I have ALWAYS had to work hard to get in shape.
In my head, I still feel like the old me…..the pre-IVF me….the one in this picture….but when I look in the mirror it is much different.
I am using the picture above and a few others as my motivation to get back to where I was before all the IVFs and pre-TTC.
Now these feelings and insecurities have not completely gone away over the past 3 weeks but they are slowly diminishing. Between everything my body has been through, the hormones that are still surging through it and the lack of sleep no wonder I am not feeling 100%. I mean really…… in the grand scheme of things I should be proud I am even back to the gym this early and to be honest I am proud of myself for that. Most of all I am proud of the journey it took to even get here….to become a mom. Getting back into shape is just another hurdle or challenge that I have to go through which keeps things interesting…..