First off, I want to say that last post was out of pure frustration. My life is far from horrible and when I say it has been the worst year ever it’s because of the treatments, heartbreak and tears. I don’t want to give the impression that I am a Debbie downer or that this life sucks. I have a very happy relationship with my husband and my family and friends are extremely supportive of me and very loving. I have A LOT. I know this but when you are dealing with infertility you are just focused on one thing. It feels like you have blinders on. I feel like I am running a marathon and I can’t stop until the end. It takes everything just to focus on the end goal and to make it to that last mile. I put most of my energy in just keeping myself together through all the pain. Most of my negative posts are just a way to vent and sometimes I feel guilty after posting them. A very positive thing happening is that I have decided to take another class next semester. It gives me something else to focus on and since I took this semester off I find myself bored and feeling without a purpose. I have also been back at the gym busting my butt, eating clean most of the time and continuing to cook a lot of healthy meals and snacks. I have been obsessed with this beanless sweet and smokey chili. Some day I will have to start posting recipes again.
FET #3 Update
Yesterday we had my pre-op appointment with my Dr. It was a short appointment and I got what I wanted out of it. Of course she said she was surprised this cycle did not work and does not know why it failed. She said nature keeps making an ass of her. The hysterscopy is scheduled for the 27th and we discussed the procedure. She will use a camera and will be able to pinpoint and biopsy any area that looks inflamed or abnormal. Fun Fun. She doesn’t believe she will find anything wrong but wants to cross off anything else that could cause the failed cycles. She also mentioned she would like us to cycle soon afterwards as a disruption to the endometrium has been shown to increase pregnancy rates. Of course we were all for it. I would start another cycle today if I could. I also made it clear that I really can’t keep doing this and there will be a time fairly soon that we will have to move on with our lives. We have decided to try another frozen embryo cycle as we have 5 embryos left. If this one fails we also discussed doing a fresh IVF with PGD. This would be our last resort as it will cost us 3-5K out of pocket. She said with PGD if all embryos were abnormal then we would know what our problem was. If it still failed with normal embryos then who knows what the problem is. We also brought up donor eggs and she said that I have great quality eggs and she would not even consider it at this time. I have faith that this next one will work. Our first three transfers were all only one embryo transfers and this last one was two so we have really only gone through 5 embryos. I feel that because I saw a BFP last time, even though it was short lived, there is a chance I could see another one and it would lead to our take home baby. I am not giving up that easily yet.