10dp5dt ~ Beta ~ BFN Confirmed

FET #2 Update

I appreciate all the kind words.  It really means a lot.  I do believe I experienced a chemical which makes me believe I can get pregnant again…hopefully next time.  Below is my very, very faint BFP that I got to see for one day.  It’s one that you have to squint, angle your screen and stand upside down on one foot to see.  But it was there.

photo-002

As expected we got bad news today.  Early this morning I went in for blood work.  I usually chat with the nurse and after going in so many times they know me by name.  On my way out she asked if I would be coming back for an ultrasound.  My heart dropped.  She probably assumed I was pregnant.  I told her I wasn’t sure our next steps, got into my car and bawled my eyes out.  There is always so much anticipation leading up to the “call.”  Knowing it is negative I usually grieve days before and when I get the call I almost feel a weight lifted.  Not that I am happy that it is negative but torture of not knowing is now over.  I can grieve, move on and prepare for the next set of events.  I never would have thought that I would have to go through so many IVF cycles.  I have come to find taking it one day at a time is far easier than thinking we may have to go through one, two, three or who knows how many more.  The Dr called to give me the news.  She wants me to go in for an operational hysteroscopy.  I will be going in the Thursday after Christmas.  She also mentioned the possibility of PGD.  She repeated that we make great embryos and she truly believes it WILL happen. She is not one to sugar coat things.  Up next will either be FET #3 or IVF #3.  Third times the charm right?  Wait haven’t I said that before?

I planned to go to the gym today but my heart was just not in it.  Since I have taken a few weeks off because of the FET, I am feeling lazy.  Not very excited to get back to the gym.  Hell, I am not excited about anything right now.  But I know time will heal and we will try again.  I am not giving up.  My goal is to have some wine tonight, relax, maybe eat some junk food and hit the gym early tomorrow morning and and try getting back to my old self.

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9 thoughts on “10dp5dt ~ Beta ~ BFN Confirmed

  1. You definitely had a line there – I could see it in my reader when it was even smaller than it appears here. Did they give you the official beta number to indicate if there was a chemical or not? It sure looks to me like there was. Like you said – good news but bad news. Gah….

    I just hate this for you. I want you to have the success you’ve earned (and you have earned it, Kim!). Sounds like you have some time to think before taking next steps – that’s a good thing.

    Third time is the charm – no matter how many times you need to say it 😉

    • She did not give me the # but I did mention about the faint positive BFP and she mentioned that it very well could have began to implant and then had issues. Yes, plenty of time to think. Next IVF or FET will be in January and I am sure with the holidays time will fly.One of these times it just HAS to work.

  2. So sorry about the BFN. I really wish you had different news to share.

    With regards to PGD, I just wanted to share my experience last month. I did PGD because I only wanted to transfer one embryo, but was concerned about transferring one that wasn’t viable. I had 4 very good looking blasts on day 5 (all were good enough to be frozen) and of those 4, only two were chromosomally normal. I definitely had some concerns going in, but I was very happy with the information we got from the biopsies. Not sure if it’s the right route for you, but I will do it again if I need to do another fresh cycle.

  3. I am so, so sorry Kim. It’s now 2 1/2 months since my IVF BFN number 1 & I’m still not back into a normal exercise regime & I have good days and bad days. Don’t heap too much pressure on yourself to be ok because you have had an incredibly tough year. I whole-heartedly hope that 2013 is your year xxx

  4. Pingback: First day of December…. | Baby Steps to Balance

  5. I’m so sorry. Do whatever you have to do. You’ve been through so much. I sincerely hope that this next cycle will be the one, and that your 2013 will be a year filled with happiness. You so deserve it.

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