FET #2 Update
I appreciate all the kind words. It really means a lot. I do believe I experienced a chemical which makes me believe I can get pregnant again…hopefully next time. Below is my very, very faint BFP that I got to see for one day. It’s one that you have to squint, angle your screen and stand upside down on one foot to see. But it was there.
As expected we got bad news today. Early this morning I went in for blood work. I usually chat with the nurse and after going in so many times they know me by name. On my way out she asked if I would be coming back for an ultrasound. My heart dropped. She probably assumed I was pregnant. I told her I wasn’t sure our next steps, got into my car and bawled my eyes out. There is always so much anticipation leading up to the “call.” Knowing it is negative I usually grieve days before and when I get the call I almost feel a weight lifted. Not that I am happy that it is negative but torture of not knowing is now over. I can grieve, move on and prepare for the next set of events. I never would have thought that I would have to go through so many IVF cycles. I have come to find taking it one day at a time is far easier than thinking we may have to go through one, two, three or who knows how many more. The Dr called to give me the news. She wants me to go in for an operational hysteroscopy. I will be going in the Thursday after Christmas. She also mentioned the possibility of PGD. She repeated that we make great embryos and she truly believes it WILL happen. She is not one to sugar coat things. Up next will either be FET #3 or IVF #3. Third times the charm right? Wait haven’t I said that before?
I planned to go to the gym today but my heart was just not in it. Since I have taken a few weeks off because of the FET, I am feeling lazy. Not very excited to get back to the gym. Hell, I am not excited about anything right now. But I know time will heal and we will try again. I am not giving up. My goal is to have some wine tonight, relax, maybe eat some junk food and hit the gym early tomorrow morning and and try getting back to my old self.